Thoughts: Duality

I've been toying with the idea that every time I pass judgment about someone else and their action or how I perceive them, I say, I feel that about myself or I somehow do that same action even if it's not in that exact scenario.

What I've discovered is judgment is a fickle bitch to play with, but the best mirror money could never buy.

Now this is a lesson that shadow work teaches, what shadow work essentially is.

However, the hardest pill of denial to swallow is learning how each relationship, whether you enjoy the connection or not, is a lesson in duality. Each person you encounter, each moment you witness, how you feel about other people and their relationships, how you feel about how others treat you. Each and every judgment you pass is teaching you about parts of yourself in some way.

Ego, the protector, forces you to only see what it thinks you can handle. Only believe the things that align with what makes you comfortable. Whatever THAT comfortable maybe. If you're used to chaos then it only shows you what aligns with that chaos point of view and tell you that it's peace.

Seeing people interact in such a way that causes worry, fear, even uncomfortableness is that same energy in you somehow. Duality is such a smokey mirror being cleared type of lesson that literally shakes and breaks your reality and its not a one and done type of situation. Honestly no part of healing is a one and done. Duality shows us the ebb and flow, yin and yang, of us, Of life. It pushes hard for acceptance. Acceptance of struggle and happiness sharing the exact same breath. And at first it can feel like thorns in the lungs of your last hope for maintaining some semblance of the life you always dreamed of having. But as you learn to move, and see the beauty through the thorns, you see that it is just you begging to be loved through self deprivation.

Duality also teaches that healing and pain are the same thing. Building and Destroying, Love and Hate, Acceptance and Rejection. All the same. Even down to seeing or hearing someone be exactly what you claim duality is and still refusing to accept that it is true. 

Duality is more about learning what your dance style is. How you choose to flow through life. What you are choosing to deny and being not only okay with it but fully aware of why.

The hard part about this is when the lesson doesn't feel so good. no matter what the moment is/was, it challenges the fabric of your existence causing dissonance and direct refusal of what's right in front of you. That utter disbelief is the same disbelief you carry within. The thought of accepting that you somehow feel that way about yourself. Even though, if someone asked, you'd say you deserve the utmost love(sometimes). But energy never lies and in the same breath of love you say you have for yourself, comes judgment of someone else. Duality. 

Somewhere there is a you that feels those things about you. To see someone live out their truth gives that part of you the ick. The anger, the green eyes, the " why would you even do that…thing."

Everything you could ever want to know about how you feel about yourself can be found in the judgments you have on the world around you. The best antidote of judgment is why and how.

Why do I even have this thought in the first place? i.e when was this seed(s) first planted. And how does this thought apply to what I was taught to feel about myself?

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