What Are You Going to Do Differently?

 Let’s be honest, sometimes the way I feel doesn’t match what I think the world wants me to feel. For example, I am not afraid of failure. I’m not afraid to talk about my failures as if they are a triumph because I tried, I’ve learned, I’ve gained and now I am ready to move on. What makes me the most uncomfortable is how uncomfortable the world is with failure. I don’t like being misunderstood or not accepted.

It's easy for me to grow from most situations because my feelings of worth aren’t tied to any failure that I may have gone through. But when sharing, I often feel like I am supposed to feel shame for learning, failing or having to relearn something. As I’m typing I realize this from my upbringing and lack of natural consequence for minute tasks. But I digress. So, let’s get real about some recent losses.

Today my car was repossessed, again. And I honestly feel so relieve because she was a fucking burden!!!!! Good reddens I’m so happy she is gone. Am I worried about finances? I mean a little. She was how my wife and I were able to make money. But in reality, SHE WAS OUR LARGEST BILL since leaving our old $1500 apartment, and that’s not even including our other bills. We got behind on her because my wife made some questionable investments. Which hurt our pockets but we made due.

I am so grateful for where our car has gotten us, but I’m also grateful to not have the added stress of 'when are they gonna come take her', 'how are we going to come up with the insurance' ,that has been slowly doubling/tripling since we got the car, we also needed new tires, another oil change, a tune up........the list goes on. So, as I lay in bed, I started to feel a bit anxious. I wanted to spiral into the bottomless pit of thoughts like, what we gonna do now, how are we gonna make due. I know I now have space to focus on my business, but that doesn’t make me any money as of yet. Then I remember I’ve learned a few things from using my car to make money. So here I am writing a blog about what I want to do differently.

My wife and I have been talking about how subtle triggers can be and about how when you're triggered do the opposite of what you would normally do. Of course, losing the main source of money was triggering for me but I knew that I can put that energy into running my business in the meantime as well as asking my guides for next steps. Typically, I would talk myself out of doing any of those things and just stay in the freeze mode caused by my triggered spiral.

What I’ve learned so far is, I can’t control what people spend with me, only the amount of time I put in. Every day I would drive for work, I would set a goal for the day. Typically a time slot, with micro time slots in between. For example, I would say ‘I’m going to work 4-5 hrs. today’ then I would set a timer that would be for if I don’t get a ride before the timer goes off, I could go home, get a snack, take a break, pick up my friend or restart the timer. On a busy day, I would always get a ride before the timer went off, no matter what I set the timer for. But on slow days, I would have to restart the timer maybe 3 times before I got a ride. Before I came up with that plan I used to set money goals for the day, and be really torn to shreds when I didn’t meet those goals at my set time. Until my therapist told me that, I can’t control how much people spend, and that I should learn to measure my worth by effort, not money. And even then, the outcome may not always reflect the effort put in. The second is, even on slow days I would still put in at least 2-3hrs of waiting/driving before calling it. From that I learned that even on the slowest of the slowest day, I still put in time. I can put in that same time with my own business. The only difference is, Lyft and uber are not my businesses so it's easier to believe that it could make me a profit at some point. I’ve already created a list of things that I could do for my business, it's more so about creating the space and time to do those things. I used to tell myself that I couldn’t do it because readings took a lot of energy and I needed that energy to be spent on driving because, well, bills. Now that my car Is out of the picture, I’m choosing to focus on what I know is important to me, helping people flourish.

So, I leave this blog on this note. Spirit has an amazing way of giving you exactly what you’ve asked for. LITERALLY. And at this moment, it may not seem like it, but trust me when I say. This is what you wanted, fully. I’ve been complaining about not wanting all of these bills and just wanting the freedom to focus on my business, my healing and myself. I wanted my business to support me, my family and my habits. Now spirit has taken every obstacle out of the way and given me the ability to fully immerse myself into my calling. I am choosing to accept it. I hope you accept your calling too.

I love you. And as always, drop a comment, like ,share and subscribe. Let me know what you think I’d love to hear from you! If you would like a reading follow me on Insta at _chelsea_sunflower_love or send me an email at lovesdivinehealing@gmail.com. I appreciate all of you, even the newcomers for the continued support. It means the world to me!Show quoted text