Stages of 'LOST'

How to begin, I find myself thinking about how lost I've felt. Who I used to be when I overcame hurt in the past. And I realize these are my stages of growth. Stage one is I feel the pain very deeply, Stage two I grieve the loss of what I thought I knew. Stage three I start to find beauty in the carnage. Stage four I pick up my brush and start to create a new perspective. The biggest difference is instead of me looking to someone else for guidance and encouragement. I am looking at myself. I'm using past versions of myself as encouragement. Whether it's through my writing, through my art, or just my own pictures. Some kind of way I am using me to tell myself I am worthy of all of the things I find beautiful in others.

When I started writing I looked to my mother, sister and father for inspiration. I loved how they strung words together to get their point across. I practiced to be as good as I thought they were, then I became brave and shared my thoughts with my friends and received praise for it. When I started to sketch my brother and other artists I followed on instagram became my encouragement. I thought to myself "If they can do it so can I. Then I did and became the best me I could be. When I started taking pictures, my sister and other women around me became my inspiration. I found my beauty through the lens and received praise for it. Same when I started my spiritual journey with divination and mediation. Then for a few years, my light became dim. My confidence lost, and I no longer knew who I was because the people around me became dim. My rose colored glasses of who I thought they were were shattered. I no longer saw them for the positive guiding force I once thought they were. They became human, and so did I. My fall from grace hurt because I thought I painted myself to be just like them. I thought we shared the same morals, values, philosophies, and ideas. I no longer knew my own reflection. But as I clean the face I see I realize, I was never painting me, I was only painting my reflection and underneath all of the muck. There lies a beautiful face that I know. And even though she is so very tired, and frustrated, maybe lost and confused, there is plenty of paint left for me to create something new made for me by me. I am not the people around me, I am my own person. They may have inspired me, what I became is my own doing and no one can take that from me, because no one gave that to me. What I create is its own masterpieces gathered from the world around me.

So to anyone that may be going though the same, just know, you are still you, you are powerful, strong and beautiful. The world around you is only inspiration, not who you are at your core. NO ONE can take that beauty from you, not even you. Keep searching for yourself, They are still there. You are not your pain, or your experience.

As always! Leave a comment, please share, have any topics you would like me to talk about shoot me a message!

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