Thoughts: Learning as an Adult

I am used to being stifled in every way. Creatively, emotionally, being authentic to myself, there is always someone else's emotions that are more important than mine, or my need for comfort. I always have to put someone above me. And as an adult I still do it because I know what it feels like to be told and made to feel like your needs are not as important. But in a world of shared spaces, how does one navigate having your own needs met, while also being able to meet someone else's needs.

I think the answer is choices especially when you are sharing a space! Taking someone's choices away isn't the answer. Most of us didn't grow up with the teaching that everyone has choices, even you and that you can inform someone of decisions that are being made as well as ask them what they feel like their choices are at that moment and how to regulate themselves in case they are triggered by those choices.

It's more than okay to talk about what your plans are with anyone. I know for me I'm easily triggered when I feel like I don't have a choice in the matter or like how I feel about any given situation isn't okay. I feel triggered if at the very least I can't express discomfort or change my mind if something no longer works for me. As an adult I think it's important for all of us to learn how to speak up in our connections. Not from a place of control but giving people the option to show up how you need them too by asking questions like how do you feel about what I just said? What did you gain from this conversation? What do you feel like your options are now that we've had this discussion? Did any part of this make you feel uncomfortable, triggered, unsafe or like you are walking on eggshells? Are these things you feel like you can do? Do you feel like if it's something you can't do that you can talk about it at any point?

I know for me asking more questions and leading with curiosity is weird and it does make things feel one-sided even when it's not. But on the flip side I never feel more seen than when I'm able to effectively communicate and hear the people closest to me as well as them being able to hear me.

For me I feel like this is how communication should have been my whole life and I would have been a much more emotionally stable adult.

But here I am learning to emotionally walk for the first time. Learning to listen to my body and give words to the sensations. Learning that overreacting doesn't exist, but all reactions do have consequences. Learning that consequences don't have to be brutal or end anything other than discomfort. Learning that boundaries are not controlling someone else's actions only my own. Learning that communication is more about listening than being understood. Learning that it's a journey to show up as myself everyday and that it doesn't have to be perfect to start.

Being me is okay and learning to be okay with that.

As always thank you so much for making it this far in my journey, you are appreciated ❣️❣️

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